Divorce Diva Blog

When we get married we spend thousands upon dollars on suits, dresses, flowers, venues, invitations and of course the wedding cake.

 

When we get divorced shouldn’t we hold a party?  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not being flippant or dismissive of a huge life altering event.  What I am saying is when the paper work is signed and done to give a bit more closure wouldn’t it be a good idea to throw a Divorce party?  After all you were a complete person before you entered your marriage, and this is a great way of acknowledging you are a complete person after it has ended.  It’s also a great way to step onto the new path of your life.

 

So here are 7 steps to throw a Divorce Party.

 

1.       Send out invitations.

 

First, start with your guest list.  Invite the friends and family who know and love you and have supported you through this process.  I don’t recommend inviting anyone who is going to “judge” you or who can’t see this as a great way to let go.  Also, if you have a great Aunt that thinks you should be strung up or locked away because you are getting divorced – don’t invite her.

 

With regards to the invitations have a lot of fun with these.  They could be simple, witty, and sarcastic or whatever you want them to be.  After all there are no hard and fast rules for having a divorce party that you need to adhere to. Here are some “interesting” ideas for invitations.  http://bit.ly/1bh9fH

 

 

2.       Make sure everyone knows it is about fun.

 

Fun is the key word here.  This is a celebration!  It is a marking of a new era for you, a new life, perhaps the end of a long drawn out divorce process.  So have fun.  Laugh, you could research divorce jokes and print them out on paper and have every guest read one or two out.  Another idea is to have a theme, whether it is a beach theme, an 80’s night theme, golf theme, whatever you want it to be.  Again, there are no hard and fast rules, it is about fun.   If you need some ideas we found a book that is designed for this www.divorcepartyplanner.com ; we have never used it, but it might jump start ideas for you.

 

 

3.       Get a babysitter.

 

If you have kids, most certainly get a babysitter or send them off to a relative’s for the night.  As much as most kids love a good party, this one really isn’t appropriate for them to be there for.  After all, there may be a few rude comments bantered around about your ex and they don’t need to hear it.  Save them some cake though!

  

 

4.       Have a cake

 

Most certainly have cake!  When you have a birthday you have a cake don’t you?  Have one for your divorce party as well.  One client had a cake made that looked very similar in construction to a wedding cake, however, on the top was the bride and the groom had been embedded somewhere down the side.  Check out this bakery in Florida that has added Divorce cakes to their repertoire http://bit.ly/UT4u8

 

  

5.       Put together great music

 

If music is the food of love – then play on – Shakespeare

 

Well William had it right.  Music is important.  So load up your iPod with great tunes that have toes tapping and that inspire people to join into the chorus.  You know those songs that everyone seems to k now at last 2 or 3 lines from?  Make the music upbeat and not sombre.

 

 

6.       Have all the foods as finger foods

 

To make it easy on clean up have finger foods.  What I mean by finger foods is things such as mini quiches, veggies, spanikopita’s, anything that someone could pick up and hold in one hand and move around the room with.  This also cuts down on the need for dishes, cutlery etc and makes clean up a breeze.  You can ask the people that you invite to bring a tray of something that they really enjoy and want to share, this leads to great variety and cuts down the cost.

 

7.       Drink Champagne!

 

This is a perfect time to drink champagne; after all it is a celebration and what better way to celebrate than drinking a nice, cold flute of champagne.  Okay, I know lots of people curl up their lip and wrinkle their nose when they think of champagne, so if it doesn’t work for you make cocktails, martini’s, margaritas’.  Get in the ingredients to make two or three different types of cocktails or whichever drink you chose and then have lots of fun preparing them and trying them out.  If you have never done this before, don’t panic – there are great books with simple recipes in them for you to flip through.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Technorati Tags: Divorce Cake, Divorce happy, Divorce Invitations, Divorce Party

So you are now divorced, you have received your Decree Nisi, it’s all done and dusted right? 

Hmmm, the question is – “Is it over for you?” 

When you divorce you divorce physically; one of you moves out and lives somewhere else. 

You divorce financially.  In other words you divide up your assets and liabilities and create two sets of accounts. 

However, lots of couples don’t emotionally divorce for years. 

What is emotionally divorcing?  It is where you “unhook” your emotions from the other person.  You have separated your emotions away from your spouse or your ex. 

For example I see lots of couples who are divorced or separated and one of them is always trying to keep the other “hooked” in an emotional relationship.  Now this can come in many guises from calling the other for advice and support, to sending emails that are quite aggressive and demeaning, all in the hopes of getting a reaction or a response from your former spouse.

There are different levels of being hooked emotionally to your ex.  Read the list and see if any apply to you.

•  When they come to pick up the kids do you try to engage them in conversation about areas of your life that you no longer share together?
• Do you use the kids as weapons?
• When you can say yes do you say no just because you know it will piss em off?
• When you see their vehicle do you throw your coffee all over it?
• Do you send food over as a care package to remind them that you are thinking of them?
• Do you jump when your ex says – hey can you do this errand for me or something similar?
• Do you look at your ex and want them back?
• Do you send nasty emails that attack them as a person?
• Do you drive by their house to see if they are home and if someone else is with them?
• When you know you are going to bump into your ex do you make an extra effort with what you are wearing and how you look?
• Do you criticise your ex at every opportunity?
• Do you try and flaunt your current girlfriend/boyfriend in front of them in the hope that they will realise that they still want you?
• Do you invite your ex over to “talk about the kids” and talk about everything else instead?

If you do any of these things you haven’t totally emotionally divorced from your ex. Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: communication, divorce, divorce counseling, emotional divorce, marriage and divorce

“What do I do when my ex-wife sends me emails that really don’t have anything to do with the kids and are just picking at me?”

Good question.

We’ve all been there. 

Whether your relationship with your ex is good or not so good, sometimes this happens.  An email comes in from your ex and it has that certain “tone” that just sends you through the roof.  Implications are made, subtle, but they are blazing clear to you – right?  You can feel your emotions rise, rapidly – a mix between anger, hurt, the need to justify and defend and some sadness. 

How did it come to this?

So what do you do?  Well if you are like most of us you get triggered by the flood of emotions and you quickly hit Reply and start pounding out a response.  You are going to explain to this person and boy they are going to listen!

Pounding out the response itself is not the problem.

Hitting the Send button is. 

Why you ask?

There are a few reasons not to hit the Send button.  First, when we get triggered by a flood of emotions there is a huge chemical rush into the body that takes quite a while to metabolize and while it is happening logic goes out the window.  You are reacting from pure raw emotion, old hurts, perceived or actual pain and grievances.

Secondly, what is the point?

To be right? 

To explain in the hope of being understood?

If your ex could understand you and accept your point of view you would probably still be married.  Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: anger and divorce, communication, divorce, email