Don’t Hit Send!
Tuesday, May 26th, 2009“What do I do when my ex-wife sends me emails that really don’t have anything to do with the kids and are just picking at me?”
Good question.
We’ve all been there.
Whether your relationship with your ex is good or not so good, sometimes this happens. An email comes in from your ex and it has that certain “tone” that just sends you through the roof. Implications are made, subtle, but they are blazing clear to you – right? You can feel your emotions rise, rapidly – a mix between anger, hurt, the need to justify and defend and some sadness.
How did it come to this?
So what do you do? Well if you are like most of us you get triggered by the flood of emotions and you quickly hit Reply and start pounding out a response. You are going to explain to this person and boy they are going to listen!
Pounding out the response itself is not the problem.
Hitting the Send button is.
Why you ask?
There are a few reasons not to hit the Send button. First, when we get triggered by a flood of emotions there is a huge chemical rush into the body that takes quite a while to metabolize and while it is happening logic goes out the window. You are reacting from pure raw emotion, old hurts, perceived or actual pain and grievances.
Secondly, what is the point?
To be right?
To explain in the hope of being understood?
If your ex could understand you and accept your point of view you would probably still be married. (more…)